Journal :: Living Through Awkward Spaces

September 08, 2014  •  1 Comment


I’m sitting on the floor of an unfurnished apartment in the Cities.  An espresso on one side of me.  A stack of boxes to be unpacked on the other.  I’ve been putting off this conversation with you for a while.  Partly because I’ve hardly had a moment to write.  And when I have tried I blundered around trying to find the words.  But this post is long overdue.

So today I write about living through awkward spaces.
About transitions.

Transitions are a natural part of the human narrative.
And an important element to our life stories.

Some transitions are by choice. 
     College.  Marriage.  A new job.
Others come naturally throughout course of life.
     Leaving high school.  Children.  Growing old.
Some are completely unexpected. 
     Job loss.  Breakups.  Cancer.  Losing a loved one.

I appreciate how Psychology Today describes transitions as: "those weeks or months or longer of awkward emotional spaces where we have cut ties with what we know and have not quite settled into what is new."

Awkward emotional spaces.

"In transition" describes the state I've been in this summer:

Like most of you, this Minnesota summer came and went again much too quickly.

Any plans of camping, afternoons drinking Mojitos on my deck, gardening or reading books in my hammock quickly faded into the background after learning we are moving!  I couldn't be more thrilled for my husband who got the most wonderful job teaching English at a classical charter school in Eden Prairie, Mn.  We are excited that our children go to a school where they will be encouraged to seek truth, beauty, goodness and challenged to attain their highest potential.  And my next thought?  Finally a TARGET and a CARIBOU that isn't 2 hours away!!  Oh MY!?!!?  My northern Minnesota peers understand this, right?!

So suddenly, we found ourselves surrounded by packing boxes, paint brushes, and tools as we madly finished our home remodeling projects so we could list our home asap!  My husband and I joke that our kids will one day say to each other, “Remember that summer our parents were so busy working on the house that all we ate was cold cereal?!"  (I’m kidding. There was always PB+J sandwiches!) 

We will miss the wonderful friends we've made here, the gathering of people in our home weekly for open house soup nights, and the familiarity of small town life.  It is the people who we did every day life with that we most cherish in the chapters we lived here.

But we aren't settled into the Cities... yet.
And we aren't moved out of International Falls... yet.

(Insert another awkward space.)

My amazing husband and our three boys are living in the Cities and going to school together every day (I miss them so much)
while my daughter and I live up north, waiting for our home to find a new family to fill these empty rooms with laughter and love again.

There is a quiet grace that mothers are extended in the day-in and day-out of sibling squabbles, laundry and relentless meals.  I am realizing these "familiar, uneventful and normal" seasons in life are rare, and meant to be celebrated! As a mom, I crave that "nest" for my children.  I'm anxious to find a new home for us to live and begin again.  Until then, I realize this is a season that too shall pass and today, I choose joy even when I'm not there to tuck in my boys, or hug them as they go off to school with their dad.  And I trust this is all just a transition in our human story.

And so that, in a nutshell, is also why things on the photography and blogging front things have been purposefully quiet.

Speaking of photography, I want to say a HUGE thank you ALL of my clients and friends in the International Falls area who have supported my business over the past 5 years.  I am truly, truly grateful and honored.  From the bottom of my heart... thank you.

Will I continue my photography career?  Yes! The great thing is that my photography business travels with me.  Already, doors that I never dreamed possible are opening and for that I am blown away - and so thankful!  And of course, my love for traveling throughout Minnesota won't change and I'll look forward to visiting my wonderful clients in northern Minnesota!

Well, the coffee beside me has slowly emptied at the same time my heart feels a little lighter. Thanks for listening....
 
Continually learning to live fully in the moment,
Pamela


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Comments

Raeanne(non-registered)
Once again you have made me cry Pamela Sutton, but in the most beautiful way possible. I always say this bit you are just as beautiful a writer as photographer. I love you dearly and cannot wait to catch up. Mostly I am so proud of the new chapter all of you are going to open. Xoxo
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